Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
