After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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