Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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