quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
