i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
