can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
