My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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