I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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