I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
