My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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