Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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