i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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