is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
