I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize