The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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