I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
