i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
