Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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