so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you inspire me to be a worse person
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
