I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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