They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
