btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
