i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
