mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
