My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
