Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
