guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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