Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
