Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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