some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
