yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh god it's open bar.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
