im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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