Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
