please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
