why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
