Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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