Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
