She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You can't motorboat a personality
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
