This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
