You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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