Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
