the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
