I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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