Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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