My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My dad just said "fuck circus"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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