Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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