unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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