Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
