Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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