Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
