She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
