I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
