I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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