bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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