I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
