i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
