in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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