You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
