he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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