bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We are all done wearing pants today
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
