I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
