I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Shame is for Republicans.
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