I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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