happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
