He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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