so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
