Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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