Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
