I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
